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February 26, 2009


sarah gilbert

oh, I'm so relieved for you! I think that you have to believe that things happen for a reason; that you're healthy now b/c e. needs you; and if the worst happens, he will be resilient and will shine in his own way because of the experience. that of course things should be right and harmonious and ideal, that children should have their parents, that they should live long and happy lives, but that isn't how things always go, but people survive. it will not go as planned, but it will keep going, and sometimes that is enough to hold on to.

Adventures In Babywearing

I can't imagine. I am so sorry you had such a scare and I am thinking of you. I hope you find that balance, and I'm sure it's something that just comes as you live each day for the next...



I'll be thinking about you...I know the wait is awful. I know it's not the same thing but I'm dealing with issues of mine and Ex's life insurance right now and when I think of what would happen to my kids if something ever happened to me...different triggers but the same thoughts.

I hope this will make you smile. My mother and I both have cysts in our breasts. Since my mother is much older, they watch her much closer. She has to have mammograms and ultrasounds every couple of months. So a few years ago, I went in for my annual pap smear. The doc was just recovering from her double mastectomy and chemo. She asked me if I did regular breast exams. Because of her situation, I was embarrassed to admit the truth but I did. I told her that breast tissue is lumpy and every time I try to check mine, I find something and freak out. I don't know what a lump really feels like so I finally gave up on checking. I was telling her all this as she was checking me. When I finished, she reached down and took my hand and said this is what a lump feels like...then put my hand on my own breast!! Talk about freaking out!! Then she said that because I was only 25, the breast tissue was too dense to do a mammogram so not to worry because she was pretty sure it was just a cyst like Mom has (we had the same doc) and not to worry. She did check it several times over the next year or so and it never changed so I guess she was right. It's a little scary that I'm actually relieved to be getting old enough to have mammograms now though!


I'm glad you are ok. That is scary! You have a great doctor to understand you like that.

I am the same freak out way about something happening to me and him having to go to his dad's forever to live. Would he see my family, would his family arrange visits with them, would they tell him good things about me, etc. I try not to go there in my head, but I have a family history of heart attacks, stroke, diabetes, and cancer...I could go fast or slow! When I feel myself freaking out, I try to go read as a distraction. Nothing else works.


I have horrible flashes like this. Especially in the immediate aftermath of becoming a single parent, I would still say it was my biggest fear. Like when I'm travelling alone I can have minor panic attacks, and I try to comfort myself with stats and the fact that we are not really in control of the end of our destiny. Still does not stop it from happening, thanks for sharing.

Dory Devlin

Breathing a big sigh of relief with you! So glad you tended to yourself so quickly and so well. That says a whole lot about the kind of mama you are to Lil E -- that you'll take care of yourself so you can always take care of him. Keep being good to yourself, one day at a time. Lord knows I know how hard that is right now :)

Amy Sue Nathan

I totally understand. That's why it's important for you to have a Will that denotes who gets what or your son will get it all (even if it's just shoes) and thereby, your ex will get it all as his parent/guardian. Also, if you are leaving any money to your son, make sure it is left to be "used for the benefit of the child." Don't leave it "to" the child unless you want Lil E to only have it post-18, which is fine if that's what you want. Let's else can I be morbid? Make some kind of agreement, in writing, with your ex that if something happens to you, your family will still have open access to Lil E because grandparents have no rights in Illinois. For me, that worked to my benefit because of horrible extenuating circumstances - so thank God. But, in my will it clearly indicates that the guardians for my kids make all decisions as I would have had the right to - meaning they could also limit or deny contact because it was toxic.

It's terribly scary. I have not flown without my kids since their dad died. Not that I have the money to jet off, I don't. But no way am I taking that big of a chance (which is unreasonable, I know) without them. Someday I will - but for now - if we fly - it's three or none.

I think about it all the time. Too much. I am not near any family -- and I truly believe no one could raise them like I would and do.


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Yes, I think all of us single parents are fearful of leaving our kids alone... I know I am. That's why I eat well and try to take care of myself, and also enjoy as much time with my daughter as possible! I have the same worry that 'Amy Sue Nathan' has about flying... Although I'm trying to relinquish some control to the universe. I don't want my daughter to sense the fears that I have- I think they would shake her go-getter confidence!

I'm so glad for you that your scare was only a scare...

Child Custody Agreement

I recently came across your blog and have been reading about Child Custody. I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.

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