Sassafrass

In which I ignore the pile of the review products taking over my dining room table and just talk about reviewing products

I never, never in a bezillion years thought that I would be quoted in a financial blog. Since I've been single, I have, for the very first legitimate time, been on the road to financial freedom. I have worked and continue to work very hard at spending wisely, saving more, and being an adult about the money I earn.

I used to want to be this way, but now I have to be. Years ago, when Suze Orman was hot on the scene, I asked for her book the 9 Steps to Financial Freedom for Christmas. My mother quipped, "You've got the first step down -- asking for the hardback from someone else rather than spending a gajillion of your own dollars on it. Well done!" I never got past the real first step.

Needless to say, my wallet is packed full of receipts and I have not a clue about investing and Suze probably has a lot of schooling left to give me. But today, I put that all aside because my words are on WalletPop.

I was interviewed for this post on the FTC's proposed regulations of blog product reviews. It's a good article and I always love hearing what my savvy grrrl CityMama has to say about the business of blogging. I'm looking forward to hearing about how other bloggers are responding -- or choosing not to respond -- to the possibility of these guidelines.

What wasn't included in this post is my intention to write up a clever little disclaimer that somehow incorporates whore shoes and my love of expensive tea, cheap cosmetics and Ayurvedic skincare products.

Linsey Krolik of Silicon Valley Moms Blog wrote an excellent and oft-quoted post with her legal opinion on the whole shebang. Read it here.

What about you? Will the way you write or read product reviews change if the FTC's proposed regulations?

Leaning over the fence, talking with the lady neighbors

Stop on by for a visit. I'm talking about my grandma on Chicago Moms Blog today. In case the posts by all these sassy city moms don't tempt you, maybe the gimlets and coffee cake will.

UPDATE: WhyMommy's feeling free!

You know the universe is right when things are good on Toddler Planet. WhyMommy, who underwent a double mastectomy as one of the final stops on her journey through inflammatory breast cancer, soared through the surgery and is healing well.

As women and mothers, and for good, for bad, for harassing, for nurturing, for passionate, for problematic, for boosted, for deflated, for all of the things our breasts are or have been, sitting there at the front and center of us, many of us cannot imagine not having them there at all. WhyMommy and several other women I admire have written and spoken so honestly about   releasing their breasts to surgery once there is cancer or the possibility of cancer.

It reminds me of a college roommate who used to designate time in the evening to take off her bra under her t-shirt and just let go. This might seem like no biggie to those grrrls with itty-bitties, but to those of us who are busty (as my mom says), it is. My roommate referred to this time as "free-boobin' it." And now that I've read the back and forth WhyMommy had at being boobless and the relief and seeming peace at seeing the scars begin to heal already, "free boobing" sounds like just the right term for the situation.

I appreciate that so much, and I am celebrating all that is ahead for WhyMommy and other survivors.  Here's to you, boobs or not, feeling free.

Today, for WhyMommy

Today, I will give my boy an extra long good-morning hug, even if he wiggles out of it and even if he doesn't savor the sweetness of the moment like I will.

Today, I will send out warm thoughts to all the inspirational survivors I know, to all the people who have hearts and courage and hope stronger than violence, illness, injury, circumstances way beyond anyone's control. And to those who have safely boarded their flight to the next plane, and the family members they've left to continue their work on this planet.

Today, I will take more than one grateful moment to lift up the blessings and turn away from the challenges.

Today, I will revisit some of the posts and blogs I've admired by women who've chosen to write with rawness and eloquence and sincerity about the truth of their lives, whatever their choices and journeys have been.

Today, I will seek out an opportunity to do or say something kind just because I see the opportunity.

Today, I will call one of the many friends I've been meaning to call but haven't made the time to call but really, really want to call.

Today, I will send all my healing energy to WhyMommy who is on a journey through cancer with more wholeness, grace and honesty than any mother with cancer would ever be expected to have.

I won't ask you to get on board with all of today's to-dos. They are my own personal missions in honor of WhyMommy and in gratitude for the life I have right now, in this moment, at this time, today. But please do join me (and many others) in sending a prayer, a comment, a blessing, a bit of the love you have to give WhyMommy's way as she undergoes a double mastectomy and as she looks toward many tomorrows.

I pray that God holds WhyMommy in the palm of her hand and that all of the goodness sent her way will lift up this amazing writer, mother, wife, woman and give her peace.

By the power of the momosphere, we have the powwwwwwer!

Or so it says today in the Daily Herald. This peek inside the power of mommybloggers ranges from political to personal to product placement in our posts and in the marketplace. Lil E and I were thrilled to be a part of this article and we are in great company. See what my amazing sword-yielding CMB colleagues -- Sara, Alma, Devra, Wendy and Amy  -- and the ever-articulate Elisa Camahort from BlogHer have to say.

If you want to read it the real way, simply yell into the castle. My mom is hording every print copy inside city limits at this point.

Get your ass in gear, mama. I mean, only if you are so inclined.

How Monday is it of me to post this give-away alert for  a four-week Windy City Adventure Boot Camp Class? I'm not saying any of need this fitness tough love. And I promise not to judge if your 6 AMs are much better spent tending babies, begrudgingly catching the early news or maybe even crawling back into bed. But if you are up and can detach small children, needy husbands and nighties and you feel the need for some yelly wellness, why not get it for free? Save your money to spend on something delicious as a reward for taking care of you, or even just extracting yourself from the morning routine.

Easy peasy: Just go here to sign up for the giveaway on Chicago Moms Blog.

Oh hell naw: Minivan love in bloom

Through one of the blogs I write for, I was approached to test drive a brand spankin' new car for a week. Sure, it's a minivan, which I ardently resist in my quest to be just a tad bit hipper or sassier or something than they convey in my over-analysis and my prideful aesthetics that easily conquer mommy pragmatism. But when they surveyed me thoroughly on my work, opinions and weekly activities and then swiftly approving all that, invited me to roll a fully-loaded 2008 Dodge Caravan during a week I'm displaced from my home and normal routine, I was actually excited. They had me at "We think you are one of just 50 socially and professionally influential women in Chicago." My next and clearly logical thought was about my shoes.

The cherry red wonder was dropped off this morning by two very polite young men who thoroughly explained every feature -- from the tailgate camera to the satellite radio to the two DVD players with wireless headphones to the remote start and swivel seats...the list goes so far that I kept saying "sweet!" like I am a 14-year old at her first Dave Matthews show at Soldier Field. This bad grrrl is amazing.

But my fear? My fear is that I will love it too much, get too used to voice-activated Justin Timberlake while my son's car sickness is usurped by Big Machines playing down the Kennedy. Or that I will redefine my MILFness (stop laughing) to include dual sliding doors to my mobile palace (kidding, kidding).

Perhaps the sweetest part of all is that Lil E and I have this ride for a whole week, that I'm not dependent on Bruce or my parents for a car or a lift, and that the only person I need to help me get us where we want to go is the nice lady with the smoky, calm voice who lives inside the GPS.  I think we're all going to get along just fine over the next seven days, even if she presumes I'm all about soccer practice, vacuum sealing and sensible shoes.

Now, how would this minivan go with my pink snakeskin boots? Or might I need to invest in a more appropriate pair?

Cross-posted at Chicago Moms Blog.

The Edwards buzz

I admit it -- I am geeking out over this presidential election. I'm watching debates, reading articles and asking everyone I know with sincere fascination who they are leaning toward voting for and why. It's a little too close for comfort for some people (wah wah wah) but I am really just very interested in knowing the thoughts people have on the candidates. OK, I am interested in knowing the thoughts people have on the Democratic and Green candidates. I really don't have the time or patience or energy to keep myself awake or courtesy smile through any more Republican rhetoric at this point.

My vote is still up in the air. I have to say that John Edwards is a strong contender for me, although Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton are definitely on my short list as well. I want to read more, watch more, investigate more before I call out my choice (which you can bet your bippy I will, and proudly). Until then, I give lots of credit to the Edwards camp for being so blog savvy and for making alliances and meeting with bloggers to get out their message. This isn't just catering to me and my bloggy buddies, this is right now, and for that, I'm impressed.

Our meeting with Elizabeth Edwards has received some nice little press, including a front and center spot on the  campaign blog and a cross-posting on The Daily Kos. Some of our questions and discussion points are noted, clips from our reactions on our personal blogs are posted and I am very happy to see my own little Sassafrass link right there among the reporting.

Also, be sure to check out the column on the meeting and the possibility for changing campaign strategy on the View from a Broad. The MOMocrats are putting up some great writing and asking some tough questions that I think every voting mom will want to take a look at. Many of us mama bloggers are also putting out the call to the other candidates to meet with us, share their vision and field some questions that might just shape our votes. Any takers?

My vote will include some strong statements about the issues that are most important to me -- reproductive justice, ending this fucking war, reworking the healthcare and insurance system of chaos and funds for education. That might mean a vote for JE, and it might mean a vote for Hill or Barack. We will see. We will see.

If you are the poli-talky kind, speak up! Who are you voting for? What's the deal with that?

[photo via SVMomsBlog]

Shhhh, mama's on the phone with Elizabeth Edwards

I don't talk on the phone much anymore. Most of my colleagues and friends ping me on IM or email me at all hours. But for Elizabeth Edwards, I will happily make an exception and sit on my land line for hours and hours.

This afternoon Elizabeth Edwards sat down in person with more than twenty bloggers from Silicon Valley Moms Blog. Even though my first impulse was to hop a plane to SF to sit at the table with them all, instead I locked myself in the bedroom and participated by phone with a great group of women representing the Chicago Moms Blog and newly-launched DC Metro Moms Blog.

If you've not yet heard Elizabeth Edwards speak, you should.

Almost naked

This month has come to a close in some strange and chaotic ways for my family. At the beginning of the month, a fellow blogger at Chicago Moms Blog, Mary Anne Mohanraj, wrote one of the most poignant, raw and courageous posts I've ever read. It made my heart swell up that women, mothers are using this venue to voice their true selves and that all the nonsense and exhaustion of building traffic and meta tags and whatnot could give way for even a few brief moments for such honesty and exploration. Mary Anne put her fears on to the screen and told everyone who read exactly what she was scared to write about. She made me think and weeks later, her post is with me as we three, Bruce and Lil E and I, tumble along in the tide of our lives.

We're having a tough time. I've reserved the details for my grrrlfriends and family and professional counsel-givers. While I'm not ready (nor do I think it is necessary or appropriate) to strip down completely, I do know that some good is coming out of this all.

I know that the work I did to undo my own stress and feelings of being overwhelmed at work and in my volunteer commitments and strapped schedule has helped me take the time and energy and focus to deal with our family issues. I also know that taking some small steps to take care of myself in the last few weeks has helped me to take care of myself in the middle of otherwise-upset. I was already in that frame of mind, so calling out to my tribe of women to please call me, email me, check in on me, surround me with their energy and advice and goodness and smart-assness and sense of humor and distractions and love, felt like a natural next step rather than an intrusion or unnecessary drama.

Of course, my grrrls saddled right up beside me and have been amazing. As has my family. We will be in a better place. Eventually. And in the meantime, I am reminding myself that just because this blog is named Sassafrass, I don't always feel that way and it is OK to be real here about that, especially when the full-body truth is now living right here in our home. 

I'm giving myself permission to work less because what I do requires focus and wit, and right now, I am not feeling very funny or snarky or clever. It is hard to write about potty training or Lindsey Lohan or Elmo or McDolty the new Bachelor when my mind is on much bigger, pressing things. And I am trying -- TRYING -- for that all to be OK too.

I am also repeating over and over to myself the words my brother reminded me of yesterday that I told him years ago: In the end, it will all be OK. And if it's not OK, it's not the end.

I don't remember who said that, but it still stands true. So there it is, my friends. As naked as I can be right now.

There are good things to come, I know. And gifts to emerge. I will try my best to share them as they too are revealed.

On nightmares and newspapers

If you are in Chicago, take a little peek in today's Sun-Times. If you are elsewhere (and why would you want to be on a sunny, breezy day like today?), take a little peek at the paper online.

Lil E and I are featured in an article on the distress dreams that commonly disrupt the little bits of sleep new moms get. I was surprised to learn that many mothers scramble about in the night, searching for their babies in the bed, just as I did for nearly two years. The nightmare sensation -- it even has a term, BiB for (you've got it) Baby in Bed (clever, eh?) -- is thought to borrow stress from a parent's waking life for the dream state.

Because my grandmother had these dreams for 25 years, I assumed they were hereditary, like the propensity toward small animal and people in the room dreams that my dad, cousins, Lil E and I all share with her. I don't think I've ever heard another parent talk about this unconscious anxiety and I think my patient husband attributed my search and rescue missions in the bedcovers to be not unlike the walking and talking I do in my sleep (seriously, my bedtime activity is neither as sexy nor as memorable as I'd imagined for my goddess-aspiring self).

To summarize: We all thought mama's lost baby, surprise bridal shower, squirrel and serving wine to invisible customers in our restaurant closet dreams were to be blamed on some genetic glitch, not stress and worry (nooooo).

Alas, I am not alone. In fact, I now stand with the other women in the study and a few other mamas interviewed by the Sun-Times reporter. Lucky for me, the nice photographer lady chose not to pose me pulling out my hair or tucking Lil E under piles of comforters at the foot of my bed. Instead, she smiled at his insistence to hold up his "constrrrruction tools" and wear his favorite firefighter gear. She was quite kind and I am very happy to see the moments she captured in print and online.

A good friend also told me that Eric & Kathy on WTMX The Mix 101.9 also discussed the article and quoted me (hooray!, all the single suburban mall grrrls and stockbrokers know about me now!). I haven't listened to the podcast yet myself but you can tune it into your iPod or similar to hear for yourself.

And you, lovely de-stressed and Zenned out parents ye, did you have distress dreams when you were new to the game? What did you dream? When did they fade?

Cross-posted at Chicago Moms Blog.
[photo credit: Jean Lachat/Chicago Sun-Times]

Paging Mr. Obama

The closer we get to the election, the more I read, the more I see, the more I (not so) casually bring up the candidates at playgroup or family barbeques, the less sure I am of who will get my vote.

I've already voted for Barack and I'd be very happy to do it again. He's smart, progressive, assertive and has done some wonderful works on behalf of my state. I've also been a long-time fan of Hillary's and have even longer dreamed of casting my vote for a strong, intellectual, independent female President.

And then there's Elizabeth, wooing me with her clarity and vision, politics aligned right there with my feminism and her words speaking to my soul. Of course, she's not running for office; her husband is. But I am so on her side that I've wondered if having her within a few feet of the Oval Office would be enough to make the changes that need to be made in this country.

One of the reasons, I'm shaking my (errrm) political pom pons for  Elizabeth Edwards is that I've heard her, seen her, focused on her, all in person, far from print and screen. I think it is time that I get to know the other candidates hovering around my ballot a bit better, too. That's why I'm joining the Chicago Moms Blog in respectfully requesting a date with Senator Obama.

Perhaps our future will read much differently than I expect, but for now, this election feels more than important. It feels critical and I want to be very sure that my choice is solid, settled and right for me.

Happy Blogiversary to me!

One year ago, I took a deep breath and brought Sassafrass into the world.

It felt like a big leap but, like the choice to try to become a parent, I gulped down a martini or two and got down to business. And much like the choice to try to become a parent, within minutes, I had a blog to baby to match the baby I blogged about.

Sassafrass wasn't my first foray into blogging. For nine months (coincidence? I think not), I blogged here. But somehow, it wasn't enough. I had more to say and I wanted my words to be completely my own.  After many words of wisdom and gentle nudges from a lovely and talented colleague (a thousand thank yous, sweet friend), I made this little corner of the internet my own.

Through introductions made by another gifted writer friend (a thousand lattes, mama), I got a job blogging here, writing this fun and fabulous feature. And when my original blogging job ended, I somehow stumbled into this gig with bloggers I've been oohing, ahhhing and lusting over for a long old time and which has been more fun and opinionated and snarky and gloriously cuss-word-inundated than I ever imagined while I was grinding away as a nonprofit (oh the pain in my eye!) grantwriter. After that, the opportunity to join other Chicago moms in a collaborative blog came my way and then the emotional and spiritual challenge of writing profiles on inspirational survivors of illness and injury.

The best part of this anniversary is the reminder that a life coach and friend told me when I came to her sobbing one session. I had a freelance position with a corporate firm that consulted to nonprofits and it was grueling, devalidating and high-paying work. I was miserable and I felt lost in a career I could no longer bear.

"Jessica," my life coach friend told me, "release the fist-hold you have on this. Release your tight grasp. If your hand is open, you have no idea what amazing things might fall into the palm of your hand."

It was great advice, and not only because she was right, but because she told me at a time when I thought blogs were for dorks and worth no more than an eye roll. While I can (ahem) joke about joining the dork ranks now, I do believe in my heart that this is a powerful tool, especially for women, especially for writers, especially for mothers. I never dreamed I'd actually have a career writing about anything I want. But here I am.

It hasn't all been roses and sunshine. I'd love more financial security and an office that is not also our dining room. I'd love it if I didn't have to depend on my husband's benefits. I sometimes long for regular hours that do not include midnight and I often wish I could see my coworkers in person more than once a year. But just when one of these things feels weighty or tiresome, then I read something hilarious by a fellow blogger, I get a comment that reminds me why I publish my random thoughts and tirades (fame, power, glory, sanity points and occasionally free shampoo samples), and I remember that I am in exactly the right place for the me that I am and the life that I have right now.

Who knows what the years ahead will hold for me and for this growing blog o' mine? We will see. In the meantime, I will just keep typing away, occasionally pausing to open my hand, palm up. Waiting. Ready. Hopeful.

So Happy Blogiversary, Sassafrass. Here's to you, baby grrrl. 

Celebrate along with me! Here are a few of the places I'm blowing out candles and wearing a tiara this week:

*  Jillian (JILLIAN!) Michaels commented on my post about her here and on my interview with her here. If I had her phone number, I would be seriously dangerous, my friends.

*  My bit on The Nanny Diaries was posted here and picked up here.  And somehow, I am still on this list with some other wowzer bloggers.

*  My bit on closet country lovin' posted here was picked up by The Tennessean. Give it some cuddles, y'all.

Truly, I am humbled and thrilled each time I see these seeds blow out over the screen. Now, who can get us a table at The Melting Pot? I'm kidding. It's Applebee's or bust, sister friends.

So many righteous grrrls, so little time

As if the blisters weren't enough, my concentration on work is totally diverted to the many accounts of sessions, keynotes and wacked-out drunkenness. I'm glued to Flickr and all the blogs I added to my Google Reader this morning.

Even after our contest to lure in other mamas who might want to braid hair and giggle into the wee hours with us, my roomie and I were very happy to settle into our swank room at the Dub together. Even if (ahem) we didn't surrender all inhibitions.

I was delirious to reunite with City Mama and nearly get booted from a session (and a cab) with my Strollerderby partners in crime, Redsy and Kelly. And swagalicious Sarah and I talked on and on about everything from placentas to potty training over pasta (mmmm).

I found a soul-sister in Charlene, laughed my ass off with Susan (but not at her shoes...oh for the pink suede shoes), talked lots of shop and showed off lil boo pics with Self-Made Mom, loved up the ladies from SV Moms Blog and Chicago Moms Blog, was thrilled to meet Glennia, absorb a bit of Susie Bright's deliciousness, listen to Her Bad Mother talk sense in several sessions and wish that I had bad-ass braids like Ariel Meadow Stallings.

And then there was Jillian Michaels. For the love of fitness and fanfuckingtastic hot laydayyyys, lunch and an interview with Jillian Michaels. Much, much more on my new best friend to follow. But do know that Bruce is half jealous and half eating up every single Jillian story I've told him. Not to worry, though, Jillian stories are full of the good fats).

I've no doubt left out someone wonderful, but I won't worry about that now. Oh no, there are too many baby boy kisses waiting for mama in the next room. If I can wrestle the seizure duckie out of his hand, that is.

Linkety Dinkety Doo: Monday morning lovin'

Just to support you in your efforts to avoid work, watching The View and paying attention to your crabby child, here's the early happs:

* Chicago Moms Blog is featured on the Trib online today. Golf claps for founder Jill Asher and all the blogging mamas contributing in between work, commutes, Caillou and playgroup. Show your support to us by leaving a comment on a post or four.

* I had a little eeee moment when I saw this. Ahhh, who would have ever thought my legacy would be in creating the term ass-fatifying? Keep reading. This blog, Wordlustitude, is fabulous. And not just because my words are there. Honest.

* Speaking of blog fabulousness, Babble's got two new blogs that you must check out, add to you feed reader and fill up with snarky comments.

* Maybe it is because I was in small-town Indiana all weekend that I was reminded that this never stops being funny. Or a fun pastime.

Good morning, Chicago!

The Chicago Moms Blog is live! Come by and check out all the Windy City mamas who are contributing sweet, sassy, hilarious posts on parenting in the city (or slightly more suburbish).

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