It was a weekend to exhale. That didn't mean there was a lot of relaxing, though. Lil E's Friday night meltdown seeped into Saturday and he came home Sunday to tell me he "had a tough time with Daddy" and needed to talk. I knew that meant he needed a quiet day to transition back to his life at our home during this already-big transition to our life right now.
I canceled our plans to go sledding and instead, took down the Christmas decorations while he played quietly with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Baby Jesus (who knew this pairing would be such a natural send off for the child savior before being packed away for another year).
I wasn't sorry to be quiet and still -- or at least, more quiet and still -- than I anticipated. I pressed through the weekend, staying out late and having fun but not taking any time to process all that went on in the week before. We had a good Sunday, a happy Sunday, staying close to home and each other. And in between songs playing softer than usual from my laptop, I realized that I need more of this.
It's not a revolutionary thought. In fact, it is the recurring realization that keeps my therapist going on cruises with my co-pays. But once again, it was good to be still enough to hear how much I need some and space to let this all sink in. I'm OK, just ready for a new way of living.
Maybe Lil E and I both need that. And while we are moving through this week at a slower pace, I have a feeling this song's going to be playing often. Not loudly, just often.
(Shhh, it's Sia's Breathe Me. You've probably heard it already. Do sit back, take a moment with me and listen again. You know it will soothe you.)