Lil E Explains: Private stuff

Oh, three-years old, you frenzy of curiosity and questions. And four, you beacon of processing information and formulating rock solid opinions. Lil E has many questions, and once answered, will not be further schooled. Here's his take on many events taking place in the southern region. I'm pretty sure in preschool he will be working toward his sex ed certification. This reminds me to send a note to the new teacher to keep the plastic uterus on the top shelf of the cubbies, just for now.

Fill the sippy cups, grab your stenos and pull on the reading glasses for a  home schooling interlude as Lil E explains:


Colostomies: Mommy, what's that called when you don't have a penis or a booty and you go potty in that bag thingy? Do animals get those bag thingies? What about dinosaurs? I bet dinosaurs get those bags, don't they?

Impregnation: Remember how you said a little part from a man and a little part from a woman make a baby? My little part comes from my besticles. BUT the baby doesn't stay in my besticles, it gets to the mommy's tummy and grows up there. Remember that?

Gestation: When it's time for us to have a baby in our family, if you get tired of growing it in your belly, Mommy, I will grow it in mine. OK? I will do it.

Fetal development: Babies DO say "goo goo, ga ga" when they are in the mommy's belly! They do! I heared it ALL THE TIME.

Besticles: Those things that move all around in there, what are they called again? Those movey thingies? Be sure to tell Daddy about those because he said it's not true there's something in there that makes babies. Shhh...tell him when he calls. OK? Shhh... He needs to know about those besticles.

The whole package: Is it OK to put penises and stuff on the mirror on my closet door? Only when I'm nakey though?

Boobs: I can't help it! Sometimes I just want to touch them because they look big.

Moobs:  These are not nipp-ohs! These are pecs. Girls have boobs. Boys have pecs. Daddy said.

More on moobs: I told you! These are not nipp-ohs! These are pecs... I mean, oh yeah. These are MY boobs. They are small, so please do not touch MY boobs. I prefer privacy for my boobs, please.

Dinosaurs:  Something is terrible. Something is really terrible. Sometimes, dinosaur babies are...(whispered) born without a penis. It's terrrrrrible! What should we do about that?

Comments

[Ms. Single Mama]

FREAKY! And hilarious. Good job mama. Don't know how I'm going to handle those questions. No clue whatsoever!

Besticles! LOVE it.

[Redsy]

I needed a good laugh today -- thanks, li'l E.. sorry about the dinos and the booby-touching. It IS hard not to fondle. I heartily agree.

[littlemansmom]

Absolutley PRICELESS! I LOVED it! LOL

[Sarah]

I'm way behind on blog reading...so I'm catching up at work! This kid is hilarious! I often want to touch the big boobs too...oh, to be 3 again! xo