Finally, it was a good, good day. An empowering day, a day of weights lifted. I feel my life spreading wings and spanning out across time and space and many years, rather than being closed tightly around several months of great pain and deep heartache, rather than the self-protection and vulnerability of the moments that have just passed.
There will be more grieving, I am sure. Now, I am going to revel in this lightness and grace a little bit. I am going to laugh louder today when it strikes me, not rush through bedtime songs and stories and question after preschool question. I am going to look at myself in the mirror to see if the twinkle is back in my eyes.
It's not that I want to stare at myself or ignore the logistics of my life, of our lives. It's just that I'm into reflections right now.
I want to see if how I feel today is showing. In these six or seven long and turbulent weeks, everything I've been feeling has been falling off me in pounds and in hours of sleep and in too many tears.
But not today. Today it is -- and the only words that I can think of come from Maya Angelou --
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
That feeling isn't just something. It's everything. At least for today.
*Thanks, CityMama, for your sageness in keeping me centered on these lines.
[photo credit: Jessica Ashley]