To Lilith, with love

This is sponsored content from BlogHer and by the makers of ob tampons, CAREFREE Pantiliners and STAYFREE pads.

When the first Lilith Fair convoy of female artists and women's charitable organizations and booths full of beaded jewelry and tie-dyes first rolled into George, Washington in 1997, I may as well have been right behind every truck and trailer in my 1981 green Volvo station wagon, honking and screaming and saying things like "Right on, sistahhhhhs!" and "Sing it, girlfriends!"

I was living in Oregon at the time and I belted out Sarah McLachlan and Jewel and Indigo Girls songs during most of the six-hour trip to the Gorge. It's a place so stunning that the only thing that could possibly make it better was seeing my favorite lady singers on a transparent stage, making their music in the middle of it all. Over the three years of that Lilith stint, I heard Shawn Colvin, Sheryl Crow, Luscious Jackson, Erykah Badu, Lauryn Hill, and of course, Sarah McLachlan in what felt like a music fest made just for me. I was entranced.

Yesterday, when I made my way through the gates of Lilith Fair and heard Kristen May's voice rise up to meet me, I felt it all come rushing back.

Just inside the gates.

It has been thirteen years since the first Lilith tour. My green Volvo station wagon was traded in years and years ago. There was no screaming or "Right on!"s as I made my way from my home in the heart of Chicago out to Tinley Park in a sensible Honda with a small child in a car seat in the back. We told knock-knock jokes, and in between, I tried to explain how awesome this experience was about to be for us both.

He was upset there wouldn't be inflatable bouncy houses at Lilith Fair, but when he heard Kristen May singing with her band Vedera, I think he felt the same surge of excitement I did. At the very least, the energy transferred between us and we talked and talked about what questions he'd like to ask the lady singers.

This trip to Lilith, I was attending as press and the 5-1/2-year old, Lil E, with me was acting as my assistant. Why would you take a little boy to a festival once thought to be radical for only featuring women? Once upon a time as a Women Studies instructor, I fought hard and loud for women-only spaces and I don't disagree with that now. But I see this kid, so open and curious about the world that's revealed to him every day, and I want him to know and respect how powerful and amazing women are and how they're making paths in the arts by getting on these stages. Plus, the music, the music. He knows many Michael Jackson songs by heart, loves Kings of Leon, has been introduced to Dylan, the Beatles, the Stones and JT, got pretty hardcore at Kidzapalooza. He knows music by women, sure. But yesterday, it was time to introduce him to Sarah, Mary J. and Heart.

Lilith wares.

I recall the last Lilith being packed full of vendors and booths. This wasn't the case this time around, and I'm not complaining. We made our way to every place we could stop, not just collecting free samples but also really talking to the staffers from the Chicago Women's Health Center (voted to be the local beneficiary of Lilith community giving), taking our chances at a contest sponsored by the Chicago Red Stars (how cool is it that Chicago has a pro women's soccer team and that Lil E scored a free ticket to see them?) and gathering yeahhhh-women types of buttons for our bag. 

It was crowded but not overwhelming and lines were only a few people deep. This was good because in what had to be hundred-degree scorching heat, we were very anxious to throw down $5.50 over and over for bottles of water.

We stopped by the Lilipad Lounge , sponsored by the makers of o.b.® tampons, CAREFREE® liners and STAYFREE® pads. It's actually more accurate to say that we saw the misters and RACED into the Lilipad Lounge, an adorable retreat from the heat where ladies could snap up samples of lady-business supplies and cute, totally concealable tampon carrying cases (and then some mamas could explain to some little boys that those cases were only for ladies and not for boys who were always looking for new ways to stash and stow Yoda action figures). The genius giveaway at the Lilipad Lounge was a cool towel (not a paper towel, people, a real on) soaked with just the right amount of refreshing water to dab faces, necks, and sweaty heads.

Sweet relief.

I will not admit to you how many of the cool towels we returned to get for that moment of heaven in the heat index I'm convinced is prompted every time a booking agent confirms a music fest in or around Chicago.

Ahhh.

We escaped to attend a press conference with some of the musicians, got plum seats in the front row and reviewed our questions one last time before -- and you should be aware that I gasped out loud, as did most of the reporters, bloggers and photogs surrounding us -- Sarah McLachlan, Emily Robison and Martie Maguire of the Dixie Chicks and now Court Yard Hounds, Kristen May, solo artist and Sarah McLachlan back-up singer Melissa McClelland, local Chicago singer-songwriter Katie Todd and Kate Nash entered and sat only a few feet in front of us.

Old Lilith entranced? Meet new Lilith entranced, this time with iPhone, camera and a kid (scratch the cargo shorts, bandanna and beaded choker).

Katie Todd, Emily Robison, (yep, HER) Sarah McLachlan, Martie Maguire, Kristen May, Melissa McClelland

Lil E and I raised our hands. He was sprawled out in his chair, relaxed, unaware of the legends in front of him. I was trying not to let the thrill of it all spill out in a squeal once I got the mic.

And I didn't. When my turn came, I looked at Sarah McLachlan. She smiled and I explained that many of my readers are single moms.

"Now that you are a single mom," I began, "tell us what music you've listened to that has helped motivate you, give you hope, pull you out of the toughest of times."

Attentive Lil E next to some country music magazine reporter. His turn is coming.

OK, I might have also mentioned overriding that urge to stab someone in the neck, but we all know that's a feeling that passes, particularly if you have a playlist  that's filled with nature-y songs with running water and dolphin noises all queued up or at least you have a good woman-friend on speed-dial to talk you down. But what I loved is that, although Sarah (I can call her that now, right, since she looked right at me from her aviator sunglasses into my Jackie O plastic numbers?) laughed a little (really, just a teensy) at the neck-stabby comment, she went right to the positive place.

She said that when she's in a tough spot, she runs. And when she runs, she listens to The Killers.

I felt like she was speaking my language -- speaking my language at a festival made for me.

The other musicians added their motivational/tough spot music to a long list that included Emmylou Harris (Martie), Sarah McLachlan (Katie) and Bikini Kill (Kate).

I handed the mic to Lil E, who introduced himself and smiled and addressed Ms. McLachlan (I'd like him to be polite like that).

"What music of yours should kids listen to?"

There was a collective "aww" and Sarah leaned into her own mic.

"Well, Lil E, thank you for your question. My answer is 'Ice Cream." 

His turn came. Answering E's question.

It's the obvious choice, one of the lightest and loveliest and least heartaching of her catalog. And then she went on to say that she writes for grown-ups, but that she has an 8-year old daughter and a 3-year old daughter and she has begun writing songs for them. Still, she said, one day, Lil E could listen to and appreciate her grown-up music.

He listened to every word and then, in a moment I hope is photographed in my mind forever, he turned to me and gave me a wink and the biggest grin.

SARAH McLACHLAN! MY SON DIRECTED A QUESTION TO SARAH McLACHLAN! The 90s girl in me was giddy and a little surprised, wanted to scream out all of those righteous exclamations, cry and search for a scrunchie. All I could think of was, "My work here is done."

There's no actual proof that all this happened due to all that millennial gadgetry of mine not working (ack!) properly (or maybe it was the person handling it). Instead of feeling awful and stomach-knotty and sad about my technology fail during our QUESTIONS WITH SARAH McLACHLAN, I just decided to go to the Zen place and just enjoy that blip in real time.

When it was all over, we stopped to talk to a few of the artists, sneak shots of their shoes (must.have.lady.singer.shoes) and just catch our breath.

Kristen May's Steve Madded studded booties and Melissa McClelland's hot pink pumps.

I leaned over to Lil E, looked him in the eye and said, "You've just interviewed one of the most famous women musicians in the world."

I hope he got it. At least I hope that the double-thumbs-up he gave me was an indicator it sunk in amidst the Star Wars and fruit snacks and Legos rattling around up there.

It could have been over then. But it wasn't. There was so much more for us -- concerts and dancing and a backstage conversation with Kate Nash.

After her show (which sounded just as pure and raw and full of pa-dow as her albums), we were called to spend a few minutes with her behind-the-scenes.

Winding through lot of band trailers and through the corridors backstage was like walking through the halls of my high school for the first time. I was a freshman among the seniors, no red glasses but the same pounding heart and look of "hey, no biggie" forced over my face.

She came out, hair perfectly ginger and flipped, eyes baked in black eyeshadow and red-red lips, climbed up on a crate into a comfortable position and opened up the conversation with just one other reporter and her friend, Lil E and me.

We talked feminism (she is one) and 90s style (she said she has trouble deciding if 90s-era clothes are just bad leftovers from the past or actually are cool) and how the music industry isn't yet where it needs to be for women. She said she'd been asked why she'd want to do Lilith, which is known to be folkier than she is. And she told us that she did it because her music might just speak to a few people in the audience each night, and that she liked switching up that image of the fest a bit.

I asked which lady singers raised her up when she was a kid. Kate Nash said she loved Cyndi Lauper and (with a grimace) Celine Dion. But it was a Sunday night when her parents put on a Janis Joplin record that she recalls being ignited by the voice she heard.

Lil E edged up to her fishnetted leg and raised his hand and asked what her favorite song was to play. She mentioned a few tracks from her new album and sweetly offered to take a photo with us, getting down on her knees to be right where he was.

"I know her music, right?" he asked as I veered him away from the mini-arcade in the hallway after we said our thank yous and goodnights and exited (add the video game disappointment to the bouncy house list).

"Oh yes, you do," I answered. "And now you know the lady singer."

Jessica, Kate, Lil E, just chatting it up a bit backstage. Whatevs.

After meeting the Londoner up-and-comer at her dressing room door, we got back to our seats in time to see the lights come up on some of the most impressive classic rockers of my time. Heart hit the stage fiercely, cranking out hits they said represented each part of their 35-year careers. Nancy Wilson wowed me with her guitar skills and I do believe nobody has really rocked it out until they've risen to their feet to Ann Wilson belting out "Barracuda."

Lil E knows "Alone" from the Glee soundtrack and as delightful as that is, Heart's original version sent chills over me. The complexity of the melded agony and ecstasy, driven by the lyrics and hammered in by the music and blown away by the voice, is what I was getting at when I asked the artists earlier about the music that fueled them through the hardest times. Kate Nash's "Foundations" is the anthem for many single mamas I know for the same reason. "I Will Remember You" by Sarah McLachlan is in that category as well. Some soft, some angry, others worn out, these songs and these singers bring out that rawness I think we all get and need to hear.

No nap and this kid's still serious about throwing up the horns at Heart.

If anyone could handle following Heart, it was Mary J. Blige. This is one fancy lady singer, blinged out and wearing killer high-heeled boots. And she sings with her whole body, maybe even her whole being. One song melted into the next with no power lost between the ballads and all 47 minutes of "Stairway to Heaven" (you read right...what, an R&B goddess can't take on Led Zeppelin?). She was fantastic and the very best moment of her set was a cover of U2's "One" that I dare say is better than those other dudes who first sang it. It could very well be that Mary J. stole the entire show.

And then Sarah McLachlan came out and won my heart all over again. At the piano, on the guitar and (is this just slightly weird to say?) looking so much glowier and just filled up than I remember from concerts past.  Her energy is so concentrated that her dreamy songs still hold that spark and her up-tempo hits never lose control. She explained that Lilith is about people coming together to contribute each of their unique gifts, each what they can, to make a better world. That ideal is also the message of "World on Fire," a song I cranked as I read thousands of pages during graduate school and played on the stage last night, didn't keep my little boy from falling asleep in his seat.

The sweaty mama and sunglassed kid. So hot we're cool. Or something like that.

In one hand was a flashing light he used earlier to dance and cheer during the shows. Strapped to his wrist were his press credentials. His body weighed heavy against mine. I took one last big breath, the piano and fans and heat enveloped me. It was time to go home.

I drove in the darkness toward the highway, making a mental list of the music I need to download so we can keep the Lilith alive for just a bit longer. Kate Nash's latest.  Every Mary J. I can click my mouse on. A little Court Yard Hounds. Any Katie Todd available. Old Heart, new Heart. 

It was by no means the same Lilith. According to Sarah McLachlan, there is lots of talk but no definitive plans about next year, five years from now, a tour or fixed location. The whens and wheres and whos are not clear yet, which sounds pretty familiar to my own life (once again). But whatever happens to Lilith or with these lady singers or the crashed-out reporter who grew up a little yesterday and me, I hope I am listening. I hope I feel it as much as I always have.

I may have spent a ton of cash on Vitamin Water and light-up toys while I was at Lilith Fair, but my experience was so phenomenal, I want you to be in on a killer contest to win some of that money back for yourself. Here's how to win a cool hundy. Seriously! A $100 Visa gift card.

To enter, leave a comment answering the same question I asked of Sarah McLachlan.

What music by a lady singer has helped empower you to get through the hardest times? Spill the song you did that angry-fist raised- I will make it through-cry sing along to, the album you had on repeat or the artist who is continually your therapist-life coach-best friend-conscience when you need a lift.

Here are the OFFICIAL rules.

This contest begins at 11:00 a.m. (CST) July 29th, 2010 and ends 7:00 p.m. (CST) August 4th, 2010.

Follow the link above for more details.

To enter, you may do up to two of the following options:

a)      Leave a comment in response to the sweepstakes prompt on this post

b)      Tweet about this promotion and leave the URL to that tweet in a comment on this post

c)      Blog about this promotion and leave  the URL to that post in a comment on this post

The BIG WIN:

$100 Visa gift card from BLOGHER.

The winner and an alternate winner will be chosen at random and notified by email, so be sure you leave one that really works.

Putting it all out there: I was commissioned by the makers of STAYFREE® pads, CAREFREE® liners and o.b.® tampons to attend Lilith Fair, the Lilipad Lounge and other press events at the festival, and to write about the experience here. I received monetary compensation as well as concert tickets.

Comments

[Yum Yucky]

Umbrella by Rihanna. Not exactly fist-pumping, but it's a feel good song that uh, makes me feel good - all inspired 'n stuff.

[paula]

ahh, Lilith seems like it was so long ago...my song, ALANIS MORISSETTE's "You Oughta Know". It's an angry song but also empowering. For me it represented (and still does) that women don't have to always be the forgiving one and it's OK to be pissed and let him and the world know it. My favorite line is 'It's not fair to deny me'...add whatever you'd like to finish this phrase. Women should never be denied any emotions. It's on my ipod with other rockin 90s chicks.

[2Jmama]

Dixie Chicks all the way. From the beginning and for always! They hit it all, the high, the low, the good the bad!

[Cyn Q-Lintvelt]

There are so many many that come to mind that I can't just name one. so many I listened to with my mom when I was younger that I still love today like carol king and linda rondstadt and stevie nicks and latina artists like La India and Celia Cruz. now-a-days there are dixie chicks, sarah mclachlan, gwen stefani,adele,etc etc. My list can go on and on and on.

[sarah]

I loved to see how you involved lil E in this event...what a great experience!

[Seth]

The female-sung songs that have inspired me are Muzette Morgan's versions of "Amazing Grace" and "This Little Light of Mine". Truly amazing!

[Mary Soeding]

What a great experience for your boy! And such a great day for you both!

[Erin]

Ani DiFranco. Need I say more?

[foodmomiac]

It's totally Madonna for me. When I was about 15, I went away to summer camp as a counselor-in-training and was dealing with a bunch of VERY mean girls. My best friend from home sent me a letter with the words to Express Yourself (along with a box of chocolates) and told me to ignore the meanies and just remember my own fabulousness.

[Amy Sheneman]

Loved your humor and honesty! Back in the good old "men dating and men hating" phase of my life, I relied heavily on any female voice. Sarah McLachlan, Ani DiFranco, Indigo Girls, Janis Joplin, and Joni Mitchell served as a constant stream of comfort. And now in my "mommy dearest" phase of life, Sarah's "Hold On," Ani's "32 Flavors" and Joni's "Both Sides Now" continue to be favorites.

[Maggie Stauffer]

I am partial to Patty Griffin "When It Don't Come Easy" or "Mary"....two of my favorites that give me inspiration.

BTW Jess, loved reading your piece on the concert and seeing pics of you and Lil E;-)

[Raunchy Mommy L]

Can we arrange a marriage between little E and my daughter for about 25 years from now? He is going to be so in tune with women with all of the great experiences he has with his cool mommy. Enjoyed reading this and love all of the females mentioned here.